butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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