I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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