So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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