i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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