If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
