I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
