??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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