if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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