Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
