Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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