Even the bartender felt bad for me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
