Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
