Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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