You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
