Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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