Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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