I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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