My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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