so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
