girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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