she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
