Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
