i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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