and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
