It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am available for nakedness
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
