ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
