he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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