She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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