Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
