i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
