You can't motorboat a personality
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
