i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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