Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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