No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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