I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
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