taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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