I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
