once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
