my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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