she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
