I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize