Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
