I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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