Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
