When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
