I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
