Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize