I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
