guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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