Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
