whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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