"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
