You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
