I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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