she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
