My hand turned me down
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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