I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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