hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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