The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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