but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
