Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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