508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
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you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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