Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
