the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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