if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
