turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
