pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
