I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
