it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
