I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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