That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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