I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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