Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
