Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
