I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
