She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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