If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
