he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
