This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
