Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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