Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
