can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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