Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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