So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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