BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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