Dual....:-)
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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