I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
