It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
