i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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