Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
