That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
