I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
