so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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