hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
