connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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