READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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