He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
