summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
