pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
