i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
