youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
