i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
