birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I DEMAND FORESKIN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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